Sleeping with sword at the foot of my bed, glass shards around it, and frigid air to keep intruders away tonight.  Never mind that said (plastic) sword just didn’t get put away, said shards from broken lantern just didn’t get vacuumed before sleep time, and said air is just always freezing in the basement.  I still feel protected.

Protected from what?

Crickets.  The nasty ones that crawl in your nose in the middle of the night–may they be sliced to shreds.